Bye Bye Bear Creek

I heard about this company called Shirley J the other day. Ha ha, that rhymed. Anyway, a former co-worker started working for the company recently, and opened my eyes up to a whole new world. I didn't know there was a company that made soup bases and special seasonings (and sold them in bulk), or that there was even such a thing. I only knew about that crappy Bear Creek soup mix, which does a number on my intestines... and never even tasted all that great to begin with. Enter Becky.

Shirley J makes these soup bases, like cream and cheese, and also spices for regular cooking and slow-cooker/dutch oven cooking. Since I am spice challenged (at least my husband thinks so), Shirley J is just for me. And since I don't trust my husband's method of just opening jars and throwing stuff in the pot willy-nilly, Shirley J is perfect for him. The bulk sizes are also good for your food storage needs. We're on a food storage kick in our house, and I'm looking forward to adding Shirley J to the collection. And the fact that the labels on their products look like something that came out of a Dharma Initiative hatch makes me feel confident that they will have a long shelf-life ;)

One of the other things that attracts me to Shirley J's products is that they are MSG free! I don't know about you guys, but every time I eat something with MSG in it (aka General Tsao's Chicken) I get a migraine the next day. Sometimes that migraine keeps me from doing the things I love like blogging, watching TV, spying on my neighbors, complaining about the neighbors and eating chocolate. I know with Shirley J my spying abilities will not be compromised.

I'm really excited to try the dough enhancer since I can't make bread to save my life and the soup and sauce bases. We love us some clam chowder in our house, and Campbells Extra Chunky just doesn't cut the mustard.

So now that I've got you interested, Shirley J is having an open house in their Orem store (15 East 400 North) starting March 31 and going through April 11. You can learn about the ultimate universal cooking base and other great products! They'll have cooking demonstrations, free recipes, balloons for the kids and a 10 percent discount for everyone that stops by!

If you're interested in learning more about Shirley J, you can visit the blog or the official Web site.

I'm Jenny From the Block, and I approve this message.

You're Not As Cool As I Thought

I went to a craft fair one time with my sisters, aunt, and cousins. I was having fun until this man who was selling something (and I don't even remember what it was) told me that I wasn't "cool" because I didn't buy his goods. At the time, that was the worst insult anyone could have ever given me. You see, I was in the 7th grade and coolness was all I cared about. I did things in the name of cool that I now shrink at the thought of. Aqua Net, anyone? I'm quite positive that global warming was probably caused by all of the Aqua Net being applied in the girl's bathroom at Orville Wright Junior High.

Now the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction. And I don't even care. Well, I mostly don't care. I only care when people talk using their cool, hip words and I don't know what they mean. I'm not sure whether I should just bust out with a "say what?" or pretend like I'm totally down with their lingo. I think I should just pretend that I know. There was an occasion where someone I know asked me what "get down like that" means and I couldn't explain it. I was like, "it just means, you know, to get down like that." And then I felt stupid because I knew what it meant, but I couldn't explain it in terms that this person would understand.

So I'm gonna go out on a limb right now and ask a dumb question. I hear this phrase almost daily, but I'm not really sure what it means. I kinda think I know what it means, but what I'd like to know is, what is the etymology of this phrase. I heard it on a cartoon my nephew was watching, and he's 5, so apparently I speak some archaic language since I don't know. Here's the phrase: "No Dice."

There, I asked. Please don't make fun of me. I don't get down like that.

The Truth About Hillbillies

Here's what happened with the cussing Hillbillies...

I was driving down Freedom Blvd, when out of nowhere this old, nasty truck with a bunch of branches and sticks in the back swings in front of me and then slams on its breaks. If you ever watched that show "Sanford & Son" from the 80's, this truck looked like it belonged in that show. So I have to follow this truck for a while because the cars in the other lanes are actually going the speed limit and I have to wait before I can pass.

My chance comes, so I start to pass. Of course I had to let this driver know of my disapproval and take the chance to educate him on his offense. As I looked up to give my stank eye, I saw that there were two guys in the cab, both browned and wrinkled by excessive sun exposure. They were wearing hats with beer logos on them and overalls with plaid shirts underneath. And I believe that they only had 7 teeth between the two of them. I caught the passenger's eye and proceeded to adminster the stank. I think he called my stank and raised me 2 because once I got in front of him and his buddy, they stayed on my tail. I watched them in my rear-view mirror change lanes when I did and turn when I did. Once I figured out they were following me, I thought "I can't go to my house because they may harm me there." I tried to lose them, driving erratically, changing lanes quickly, speeding up, and taking them in circles. I decided I needed to go somewhere public because I figured they would just leave me alone. I pulled into the Macey's parking lot and got a space right up in the front where there would be multiple witnesses if something were to happen.

I got out of the car and they drove by and called me a bad word. And then they drove off. I went into the store and saw my friend Donald so I stayed and talked to him for a while just to make sure they were gone. And then I figured since the bank was inside the grocery store, I might as well take care of some business there. I made good and sure that the hillbillies were gone before I came out and then high-tailed it out of there just in case they were hiding in wait for me.

Breakfast of Champions

When I was roommates with my friend Katie, we would do this thing called "Breakfast of Champions." I'd run out of the house in the morning with a Diet Coke and some Fritos and say "breakfast of champions," as I was shutting the door. And then maybe the next day she'd have some leftover pizza or something like that and she'd say "breakfast of champions," as she was eating. Somehow, my breakfast of champions always invloved Diet Coke. Anyway, gourmet food isn't exactly a priority when you're in college and only when you get older and wiser do you think to yourself, "maybe my breakfast routine shouldn't include Diet Coke and leftover take-out." I've been pretty good since then about eating actual breakfast foods for breakfast, with the exception of chocolate cake if it's available. Thank goodness those occasions are rare.

This morning I poured some wholesome Cheerios into my bowl and then remembered that I didn't buy any milk for myself at the grocery store on Saturday. I bought some whole milk for my husband, but since we are going out of town this week, I skipped buying any 1% for me. I thought about using the whole milk, but could feel my arteries clog just thinking about it, so I put my Cheerios back in the bowl and investigated the fridge for something else to eat. I saw some frosting, leftover trout from Red Lobster, cheese, ranch dressing, radishes, and potatoes, carrots and cabbage leftover from our family dinner last night. I chose the cabbage and potatoes. What was I thinking? I took one bite and changed my mind. I've eaten a lot of crappy stuff for breakfast before, but this was just too much - even for a breakfast of champions!

So I went with some Fig Newtons instead. Afterall, "they're not cookies mother, they're Newtons."

Lessons Learned

If you get cut off on the road by some Hillbillies, don't give them the stank eye when you speed up and pass them. They will follow you into the grocery store parking lot and cuss at you.

Lady, Your Door is Open!

That's what this guy said to me because my door dinger wouldn't stop dinging while I was in a drive-thru. You know, the door dinger thingy that dings when your seatbelt isn't on or the door is open. The thing is, my door was closed and my seatbelt was on. It started a few months ago whenever I would turn a corner or any weight would be put on the door. You could set the dinger off by pressing your leg against the door. I kept telling myself I was going to take it into the shop to get looked at, but 3 months later I hadn't. And then one day I was going to Wal-Mart and the dinger dinged the entire way there, even with me holding the door closed with one hand and driving with the other. I just learned to live with it, but the Robster on the other hand, didn't know that the dinger dinged incessantly, so he was in for a shock one day while he was driving my car. In case you don't remember, my car is named Uncle Jesse. I was going to say something about Uncle Jesse and his dinger, but it just doesn't sound quite right. Anyhoo, the Robster said he was going to fix it for me.
Now that's what I call a 2 cent fix! I guess the sensor just wasn't quite getting touched by the door and needed some extra height. I know it's jerry-rigged and all, but that's just about the most genius thing I've ever seen. And now the dinger doesn't ding when I turn a corner.

I can't hear what you're sayin', young lady!

Today at work I was calling TV stations to find out who their health/medicine producer was for the morning TV news shows. I call Good Morning America, they put me right through. The Today Show put me through even quicker. NBC in Dallas - not as good of an experience. An elderly gentleman answered and he spoke pretty fast, but I thought I heard "NBC and Univision" somewhere in there. So I ask him if there is a health editor or producer for the morning news and he says "I can't hear what you're sayin', young lady." So I moved the receiver a little closer to my mouth and spoke a little louder. I also tried to annunciate a little better. He still didn't understand what I was saying. So I started getting louder and he says, "are you lookin' for a health clinic?" After about the 4th time of me telling him what I wanted, I finally thought to myself that maybe I had called the wrong place so I asked "is this a TV station?" He answers, "well that's what I said in the first place, now how can I help you?" So I asked my question again and he says "young lady, I really don't know what you're talkin' about. Do you need some sort of service?" At this point I was frustrated beyong belief, so I started explaining what a producer was and he says, "oh, you wanna speak to someone in the newsroom?" Yes, I want to speak to someone in the news room. The irony in this whole story is that the client I was calling on behalf of makes hearing aids.

Courage, Confidence, Character

I was once a Girl Scout, so I feel obligated to purchase their goods when they come a knockin'. In fact, I purchased 9 of what they were selling only to find out that my husband also purchased at least that amount - maybe more. Between the two of us, we purchased around 20 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I'm slightly embarassed by this fact. But only slightly. Because afterall, my purchase promotes financial skills such as goal setting, decision-making, customer service and money management. Now I'm just questioning who's financial skills it promotes because I pretty much blew my goal of not eating junk food, made poor decisions in only getting 3 boxes of Samoas instead of 4, and definitely didn't manage my money when I purchased $32 worth of cookies. But hey, at least I'm instilling courage, confidence and character in some little Girl Scout, somewhere. So what if I'm 32 lbs. heavier and $32 poorer.

Help a Sistah Out!

Sometimes you really need some McNuggets.

Descriptors

When I married my husband, I moved into a new neighborhood and I am still trying to get to know people. In our church congregation, we have a lot of different kinds of people of different ages, backgrounds, cultures, etc. As one guy in church said yesterday, "we have the darkest, lushest berries like myself, and the whitest of the coconut puffs in our congregation." He must have been talking about my husband when he said "whitest of the coconut puffs." Anyway, we have a lot of different people in our ward. The best way to meet people is by going to church, obviously, but also through the visiting and home teaching programs. Each month I have 2 women come visit me, and 2 men come to visit me and my husband. And in turn, I go visit 3 women each month and my husband visits 3 families. I have also been priveleged to have a visit by the Relief Society Presidency, and they told me all sorts of stuff about people in the ward. All of it good, of course, but what I noticed was the way they described people.

For instance, there is a woman in the ward who has Alzheimer's Disease. Because of this, she sits in the same seat every Sunday to avoid any confusion. That's how I know who she is because she always sits in the same spot, and always wears the same dress. I don't know why she always wears the same dress, but that's neither here nor there. So, someone was talking about her and immediately they said, "oh, you know, she's the very large woman in the ward." Another person said something about her and preluded it with, "she's the larger woman who sits in the front row." Why do people do that? Why do we always pick their most unattractive feature to describe them? All they had to say was, "she always sits in the front row," and I would have known who they were talking about.

Do we do this because sometimes the most unattractive feature is the most obvious? I wonder what people say about me. "Oh, you know, she's the one with the really narrow nose," or "she's the one with the fat arms." Since I have become aware of this, I have tried really hard to pick nice features to describe people, or to describe them by who they're related to or what they do. I don't have a solution for the problem, but I wonder what other people's experiences have been. And I know that I'm not perfect. I have been known to describe someone as "having 80s hair," and everyone knew who I was talking about. What do you guys think? Any experiences you want to share?