My Run-in With the Feds

I got a phone call yesterday from a man who said he worked for the FBI and that he needed to ask me some questions about someone I know. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't get these kinds of phone calls every day. OK, I don't get these kinds of phone calls ever! So, as you can imagine I was more than cooperative in clearing my schedule to talk to this guy.

And then I started getting a little scared, because after talking to a few people, they said that maybe this guy wasn't legit because the FBI doesn't make appointments, they just find you and come to your house. I was shaking like a leaf when I finally met this guy. He turned out to be completely legit, with a badge and his credentials with the title 'Special Agent" on it. I was a little disappointed because he looked more like Mack Wilberg than Agent Mulder. We sit down and he tells me that the reason for his visit is because the individual in question was applying for a job within the FBI and in order to get Top Secret security clearance, he had to have an exhaustive background check done. He told me that he's talking to pretty much everyone this individual has ever known in his entire life.

He began the interview by telling me that if I lied about anything he asked me that I could be prosecuted. Scary! He then asked me if this person had any addictions or perversions that I knew of, whether he had money problems, family problems, terrorist connections, or had ever been out of the country. He also asked me if this person had ever lied to me. I wish I had some exciting answers for him, but I only worked with the guy for a few years, and as far as I could tell, the only questionable thing about him was that he really liked to play McDonald's Monopoly so he ate lunch there every day.

My exciting story ended up not being exciting at all. But at least now I can say that I've been interrogated by the FBI if I ever play that 2 truths and a lie game.

Resolution Re-Cap

Remember when I said that one of my only resolutions for this new year was to be nicer? Yeah, me too. I remember this because even though I'm trying, it's not going very well. My mouth has gotten me into more trouble this week than I can even count on both hands. I might as well write a copy of "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People." I'm not joking. And the thing is, I don't even try to be mean. Do I come by it naturally? Perhaps.

I'm taking a class right now called Modern American Usage. Mostly we do nerdy stuff like read dictionaries and discuss whether one can/may use further when farther is actually what is called for. Very nerdy. People argue in class. Even nerdier. Or should I use more nerdy? I don't know, let me consult my dictionaries. Anyway, the other day we talked about dialects and how they evolve. One of the specific dialects we discussed was Yiddish. Although Yiddish is mostly dead as a dialect - only a handful of people still speak it- it has now evolved into what is called American Jewish. Anyway, even though the dialect has died many words still stick around. I bet you didn't know it, but tush is yiddish for bottom. Yiddish is also a very sarcastic and sardonic dialect, and the sacrasm has lived on in people, who although may not speak Yiddish, still speak in the same manner in which Yiddish is spoken. I could write a paper about it, but I won't. I guess the point is that this sarcasm is learned... it's a trait passed down through generations where ancestors spoke Yiddish. This led me to think that perhaps I am the way that I am because of my ancestors. I'm not aware of any Jewish heritage in my line, but then again, until the day my grandmother went to her grave, she swore up and down that she was 100% Irish Catholic. She's not only rolling over in her grave right now, but I'm sure she's having one heck of a time fraternizing with her 100% German ancestors in Spirit Prison. I need to research this line, because if there's German there may be Jewish in there, too.

Still, I shouldn't be following the traditions of my fathers. Right? I need to teach my mouth and my brain to work differently. And since I only know of 2, maybe 3 people in this world who actually like me for my frankness and sarcasm, perhaps now is a good time to change. A good friend always quotes someone's dead grandma by saying "There are three doors: Truth, kindness, and necessity. Everything you say must go through at least two of the three doors. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" This needs to be my motto from now on. This will be my motto from now on.

To any I've offended with my words this week, please forgive me and know that I'm trying to do better. I really am. I started yesterday, but then today my mouth got me into trouble again. I used a bad Yiddish word in class, ecxept I didn't know it was that bad. Baby steps, right?

Hard Times

The last several days have been hard ones. My birthday was on Friday, and sometimes if I think about it too hard I feel a little depressed that I'm as old as I am and haven't accomplished the things I would like to have accomplished, or I think someone my age should have accomplished. But then I got over it because I had a birthday party and some good friends and family came to celebrate with me.

And then I looked at the calendar and noted that if I had not lost my pregnancy, I'd be coming home from the hospital with a brand new baby in my arms right now. I was doing OK until I went to church yesterday and saw all of the pregnant ladies and little babies there. It was extremely hard, and it hit me unexpectedly. I really thought I had gained closure and peace about the loss, but all of the feelings I had felt when it first happened came flooding back. A lot of tears were shed and the despair I've been feeling at not being able to get pregnant the last several months that we've been able to start trying again all came to a head. I am thankful for a loving, kind husband who offers a shoulder to cry on, loving words and encouragement. I'm also thankful for Robert's mom and her willingness to listen, her wisdom and for her hopeful outlook on life. I am most grateful for the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ because through that I am able to be healed. I do receive comfort when I need it.

Our washer broke last week and the laundry has been piling up... two weeks worth because it broke last week while I was trying to do laundry. We decided that we would wait a little bit to buy a new one so that we could do some research (thanks for the CR reviews, Julie!) and also so that we could shop some sales. In the meantime, we figured we would just go to Robert's parent's house or to the laundromat. Since we had so much laundry to do, I went to Robert's parent's and did 6 loads today. Needless to say, it took quite a while. I also had a doctor's appointment to get my hurting ears checked during the middle of all of it. Since Robert was at class and I was still doing laundry, Robert's mom invited me to stay for dinner and Family Home Evening. During dinner, his mom put on the CD of a talk given by S. Michael Wilcox called "The Fourth Watch." I am familiar with what the fourth watch is (in Hebrew time-keeping, it is from 3a.m. to 6 a.m.) but had never thought much about what it meant to me or how it could apply to my life. Just so you know what I'm talking about, here it is from the Bible.

The talk is basically about how oftentimes when we have trials, we assume that God doesn't hear our prayers, that He does not care or that we aren't worthy to receive His help. Most likely, we haven't received help yet because it isn't the fourth watch. We want and expect help to come in the third watch (from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.). So, as we're toiling along like the disciples on the water, it is important to remember that our ships are "tight like unto a dish" (Ether 2:17) and that God has given us enough to be sustained until He comes during the fourth watch. There is too much from the talk to explain here, but I guess the important part is that listening to it gave me hope and comfort when I needed it most. I don't know if Robert's mom planned it that way or if it's just how it worked out, but that's what I needed.

I also was able to get some reassurance from my doctor about our situation. He shared with me the experiences that he and his wife had (their situation is very similar to ours) and then started talking about something he'd heard on NPR about moose and mice (not moose and mice mating together) and their mating habits and how that relates to human reproduction. He lost me at "moose." Anyway, talking to him gave me some new insight and renewed hope that Robert and I are probably not doomed to infertility forever.

I guess we're just not in the fourth watch yet. It is good to know and see the tender mercies that God gives us along the way until the right time comes.

One of those tender mercies, along with the ones I've already mentioned, is that someone that Robert works with gave us a washer today. It is less than a year old and he just gave it to us. It's not a top of the line model, but at least we have more time to look for something we really want and get it for a good deal. I'm hoping for a front-loader.

It's Cookie Time

Dear Girl Scouts,

Do you remember when my husband and I bought 89 boxes of cookies from you last year? Yeah, me too. We still have a box of Chalet Creams in the cupboard, so I think about that a lot. I don't want to repeat that situation this year, so please stay away from my door. Wait, what's this I hear about you peddling your goods online this year? That's so not fair. You make things too easy... er, hard for me.

Respectfully,

Jenny from the Block

Whose Idea Was This?

On New Year's Day, Robert and I got sucked into watching "Cats 101," a show on Animal Planet, for 4 hours straight. Basically, the show is all about cats: the different breeds, how to care for each breed, etc. Maybe we were hoping that watching this show would somehow give us some inisight into our crazy cat's psyche.

One cat expert said that cats need to be able to forage for their food, and one of the reasons cats do bad things and get into mischief is because we just give them their food and they don't have to forage for it. She suggested putting the cats food in containers such as bottles, putting holes into the container big enough for food to get out, and then placing these containers around your house. The only way the cat can get the food out is by playing with, and rolling the containers around enough so that the food falls out. Robert tried this with a prescription bottle and the cat wouldn't play with it. He took the lid off, and she still won't eat the food from it. This is further evidence that our cat is not normal.

We've been tinkering with the idea of giving her away, but I just felt like I couldn't, in good conscience, give her away without letting the new owner know how weird she is. And then I saw an ad on Craigslist that went something like this:

"Free to a good home: ornery as hell cat, 12 years old. She hates people, except for children. She is not litter trained, she throws up all over the place, and she scratches all the furniture. She hisses at men and has attacked the dog several times. But like I said, she doesn't hate children. Often, I find her curled up in the crib next to my baby. She usually throws up in the crib, too. But she's a pretty gray/white Tabby mix."

This ad makes our cat look like a saint. And we don't have mice. Maybe we'll let her stay.

Kindness goes a long way

A few weeks ago, I was watching a news program and there was a story about these two guys who have started a foundation to promote a return to civility. While they were interviewing these men, a montage of clips of some of the most rude behavior of the last decade flashed on the screen. All stuff we remember: that guy throwing his shoes at Pres. Bush, a bunch of rednecks fighting on the Maury show, various people screaming at each other during town meetings, etc. The men who started this foundation weren't so concerned with what caused an increase in such rude behavior as much as how to bring people back to being nice. I have my own theories about why people have become increasingly rude, but I'll save that for another time. I reflected a lot on this news piece and, although I wouldn't really consider myself a rude person, I could stand to be a little nicer. I don't have many resolutions this year, but being nicer is one of them. I'm going to not try to make sarcastic comments and roll my eyes when people say things I think are stupid. I'm going to try to not lose it if I get charged $200 to vaccinate a cat I don't even like. And I'm going to try to be friendly to everyone, especially those who are hard to be friendly to.

Recently, Robert and I were given the calling of Single Adult Activities Chairs. I was very reluctant to take this calling for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I felt like I had been single for so long and since I'd moved on to being married, I didn't want to look back. It took some serious convincing on my bishop's part and a lot of prayer and faith on my part before I accepted. And even after being sustained and set apart, I still felt really inadequate and a little reluctant to do this calling. I mean, what kinds of activities would we plan? Speed dating with a munch and mingle? You couldn't have paid me $500 to go to something like that when I was single, so I wouldn't expect several never been married/divorced/widowed people in their 40s and 50s to be down with it either. I was just at a loss.

Robert and I decided that before we planned any activities we ought to meet the group we'd be working with and take their pulse. What were they like? What would they be interested in doing? What were their needs? After making roughly 89 loaves of Amish Friendship Bread, Robert and I set out to meet everyone. We were received warmly and openly by some people, and rather coldly and awkwardly by others. Naturally, I was more drawn to liking and wanting to be friends with those that were friendly back. Not so much with the guy that opened the door a crack, said "what do you want?" and then grabbed the bread and slammed the door shut. After that experience, I was even more at a loss as to what we needed to do in this calling. One of the things our bishop counseled us with is that the main reason for every calling in the church is to bring people unto Christ. How were we to do that?

The problem was that I was thinking in terms of what activities were like during my single days. And that was it. I think that so often in the Church, we try to plan activities for singles that focus solely on linking them up and getting them married off. Not that it isn't a righteous goal, but are we bringing people unto Christ or pushing them away from the Church?

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I mulled this over a lot. Robert and I prayed for guidance and we prayed to know how we could bring the single adults in our ward closer to Christ.

The day after Christmas, I got a call from a good friend of mine. He was calling to let me know that his friend Becky had passed away. She was not an old woman, she didn't have a terminal illness that I knew of, so her death came as quite a surprise. Although I was not close to Becky, I'd had several interactions with her and felt the loss. One of the first thoughts that came to mind after hearing of her passing was that I wasn't the nicest I could have been to her the last time I spoke with her. She was a quirky person, and not one who was particularly easy to get along with, so I had felt justified in not being as kind as I would have been to someone else.

In talking with another friend about Becky, she made the comment that she seemed like she had just been a very lonely person. For me, going to her funeral was a way for me to somehow make amends for that last conversation and also to be there in lieu of my friend who could not go. The funeral service confirmed my friend's comment that this woman had been lonely. There were not many people at the service, and her family seemed to not be sad or shaken by her death, but almost relieved. As I left that funeral, I felt guilty. Not for her death, but that I didn't reach out to her more during her life. No one should have to die lonely.

I came home and shared my feelings with Robert and also with my mom. My mom said, "you don't have any control over whether people die or not, but everyone has control over whether someone is lonely or not."

When my mom said that, I felt very strongly that one of the things that Robert and I are to do in our calling is to befriend people and make sure that they're not lonely. No matter how difficult of a personality they may be. What is most important is not to plan speed dating munch and mingles, or grab a cookie take a lookies for the single adults. What is most important is to befriend them.

So, even though I felt strongly about what I was supposed to do, I wasn't so sure how to go about it. I prayed for opportunities to see who specifically needed help and what kind of help they needed. The next week in church, a sister who is going through a divorce came up and started talking to me and telling me some things that were way TMI, if you know what I mean. I felt uncomfortable and my thought was "why on earth is she telling me this stuff?" I'm glad that Heavenly Father gives us wise mothers and mothers-in-law, because after telling Robert's mom about this experience, she said "you've been praying for opportunities, and being a listening ear is one of those opportunities." I'm constantly amazed at how Heavenly Father always gives us the tools we need to go about His work. Why am I so hard-headed?

We still need to plan 3 activities this year for the single adults, and so far I haven't had any divine inspiration as to what those activities should be. If you are single or were at one point single and have some good ideas, please pass them on to me.

I can't go back and change that final conversation I had with Becky. What I can do is make sure that it never happens again with someone else.