Warning: Late-Night Coupon Clipping Can Be Dangerous

Last week, the Costco coupon book came and I was so excited because there were coupons in there for lots of things I need, like diapers, wipes, laundry detergent, toilet paper, Cascade, and other basics. One of those other basics happened to be maxi pads. I haven't used a maxi pad since I learned the fine art of tampon use back in 1995. And I must say that life has never been better. Whoever invented maxi pads should be shot. Well, maybe not shot, but flogged with something. Neverthless, the time will soon come when I will need the maxi pads. Which was why I was so happy about all of the coupons that Costco had this month. I was patiently waiting until the sale date started.

I couldn't sleep last night, much like every night, so I got up and decided to make my Costco list and clip the coupons I needed. I saw the Costco book sitting on the bookshelf and began looking through it. For some reason, I wasn't finding what I thought I originally saw but then I found the maxi pad coupon. I started clipping it and thought to myself, "I know it's been a long time since I bought these things, but since when do they come in sizes S-XL?" I dismissed my thought and finished cutting it out again only to notice a line that said "Comes in both mens and womens styles." That really threw me off for lots of reasons. The first being that men don't need maxi pads. I looked at it again and was pretty sure I cut out the right coupon. The picture looked right. The box colors were right. But for some reason, the brand name wasn't sounding right. I know about Always, Stayfree, and Kotex. But Depends? Yes. That is right. I thought I was cutting out a coupon for maxi pads, but I was really cutting a coupon out for adult diapers. Not that there's much of a difference between the two. And to make matters worse, I was looking in the wrong book. I'd picked up last month's. I need help.