Kindness goes a long way

A few weeks ago, I was watching a news program and there was a story about these two guys who have started a foundation to promote a return to civility. While they were interviewing these men, a montage of clips of some of the most rude behavior of the last decade flashed on the screen. All stuff we remember: that guy throwing his shoes at Pres. Bush, a bunch of rednecks fighting on the Maury show, various people screaming at each other during town meetings, etc. The men who started this foundation weren't so concerned with what caused an increase in such rude behavior as much as how to bring people back to being nice. I have my own theories about why people have become increasingly rude, but I'll save that for another time. I reflected a lot on this news piece and, although I wouldn't really consider myself a rude person, I could stand to be a little nicer. I don't have many resolutions this year, but being nicer is one of them. I'm going to not try to make sarcastic comments and roll my eyes when people say things I think are stupid. I'm going to try to not lose it if I get charged $200 to vaccinate a cat I don't even like. And I'm going to try to be friendly to everyone, especially those who are hard to be friendly to.

Recently, Robert and I were given the calling of Single Adult Activities Chairs. I was very reluctant to take this calling for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I felt like I had been single for so long and since I'd moved on to being married, I didn't want to look back. It took some serious convincing on my bishop's part and a lot of prayer and faith on my part before I accepted. And even after being sustained and set apart, I still felt really inadequate and a little reluctant to do this calling. I mean, what kinds of activities would we plan? Speed dating with a munch and mingle? You couldn't have paid me $500 to go to something like that when I was single, so I wouldn't expect several never been married/divorced/widowed people in their 40s and 50s to be down with it either. I was just at a loss.

Robert and I decided that before we planned any activities we ought to meet the group we'd be working with and take their pulse. What were they like? What would they be interested in doing? What were their needs? After making roughly 89 loaves of Amish Friendship Bread, Robert and I set out to meet everyone. We were received warmly and openly by some people, and rather coldly and awkwardly by others. Naturally, I was more drawn to liking and wanting to be friends with those that were friendly back. Not so much with the guy that opened the door a crack, said "what do you want?" and then grabbed the bread and slammed the door shut. After that experience, I was even more at a loss as to what we needed to do in this calling. One of the things our bishop counseled us with is that the main reason for every calling in the church is to bring people unto Christ. How were we to do that?

The problem was that I was thinking in terms of what activities were like during my single days. And that was it. I think that so often in the Church, we try to plan activities for singles that focus solely on linking them up and getting them married off. Not that it isn't a righteous goal, but are we bringing people unto Christ or pushing them away from the Church?

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I mulled this over a lot. Robert and I prayed for guidance and we prayed to know how we could bring the single adults in our ward closer to Christ.

The day after Christmas, I got a call from a good friend of mine. He was calling to let me know that his friend Becky had passed away. She was not an old woman, she didn't have a terminal illness that I knew of, so her death came as quite a surprise. Although I was not close to Becky, I'd had several interactions with her and felt the loss. One of the first thoughts that came to mind after hearing of her passing was that I wasn't the nicest I could have been to her the last time I spoke with her. She was a quirky person, and not one who was particularly easy to get along with, so I had felt justified in not being as kind as I would have been to someone else.

In talking with another friend about Becky, she made the comment that she seemed like she had just been a very lonely person. For me, going to her funeral was a way for me to somehow make amends for that last conversation and also to be there in lieu of my friend who could not go. The funeral service confirmed my friend's comment that this woman had been lonely. There were not many people at the service, and her family seemed to not be sad or shaken by her death, but almost relieved. As I left that funeral, I felt guilty. Not for her death, but that I didn't reach out to her more during her life. No one should have to die lonely.

I came home and shared my feelings with Robert and also with my mom. My mom said, "you don't have any control over whether people die or not, but everyone has control over whether someone is lonely or not."

When my mom said that, I felt very strongly that one of the things that Robert and I are to do in our calling is to befriend people and make sure that they're not lonely. No matter how difficult of a personality they may be. What is most important is not to plan speed dating munch and mingles, or grab a cookie take a lookies for the single adults. What is most important is to befriend them.

So, even though I felt strongly about what I was supposed to do, I wasn't so sure how to go about it. I prayed for opportunities to see who specifically needed help and what kind of help they needed. The next week in church, a sister who is going through a divorce came up and started talking to me and telling me some things that were way TMI, if you know what I mean. I felt uncomfortable and my thought was "why on earth is she telling me this stuff?" I'm glad that Heavenly Father gives us wise mothers and mothers-in-law, because after telling Robert's mom about this experience, she said "you've been praying for opportunities, and being a listening ear is one of those opportunities." I'm constantly amazed at how Heavenly Father always gives us the tools we need to go about His work. Why am I so hard-headed?

We still need to plan 3 activities this year for the single adults, and so far I haven't had any divine inspiration as to what those activities should be. If you are single or were at one point single and have some good ideas, please pass them on to me.

I can't go back and change that final conversation I had with Becky. What I can do is make sure that it never happens again with someone else.