It seems that my last post was somewhat misunderstood, and some rather hurtful comments were elicited. I've deleted my post on trying to figure out how to mix holiday traditions because what I was seeking in writing it was to find out how others have dealt with trying to combine or create their own family traditions - what has worked and what hasn't worked - and not personal criticisms or attacks. I in no way intended to portray that I think my husband's family is strange or that they don't do a holiday up proper. I think my husband's family is wonderful and I do enjoy participating in their family traditions, but I'm still trying to find a balance of how to combine both sides, create new traditions and find my place in a new situation. My reason in writing it was to seek some honest, constructive feedback. Comments such as "suck it up" and "stop complaining" are neither constructive nor helpful.
You might be thinking, "well you kind of set yourself up for that," which may be true. If I allow comments on my blog, I'm likely to recieve a few that I don't agree with or are hurtful. That's the risk I take. I could also hand pick who I allow to read my blog, but blogging has been a good way to find old friends, make new ones, and keep in touch with the ones I already have. I'm not going to sacrifice that.
If anyone took offense at my post about holidays, please know that none was intended. I only had the best of intentions and didn't mean to be hurtful to anyone. I am ecstatic to be married, and I am happy to be married into a big family. It is still overwhelming and confusing and wonderful all at the same time. I'm just a newly married human, trying to do the best I can. And it's wonderful that my husband and I have an eternity to figure things out and make things work for us.
I welcome comments, but I expect all commenters to use common courtesy and respect. I have turned on comment moderation and will be moderating comments from now on. If you feel like you need to address something I've written, please do. But please do not block your profile or submit an anonymous comment. I'm a fairly reasonable person, and I'm open to discussion; however, if I don't know who you are, I can't clarify things for you or defend myself, or have you clarify or defend yourself.
To all of those who shared honest, kind feedback, I appreciate your suggestions. Your comments have provided my husband and me with some points for discussion and have helped us to figure out how we want to do our traditions. All I ask of you, my readers, is to consider that there is actually a person who writes this blog. A living, breathing, feeling person. I might look like a rhinoceros, but I have quite a thin skin, really.
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8 comments:
I am sad that people left you hurtful comments. I don't think you you have think skin like a rhino, I think you have beautiful skin like a ballerina. I have decided the reason that marriages are for eternity is because thats how long it takes to figure things out. You are great and I love you.
oh geez, I hate negative comments. Especially on a personal blog.
Sorry you had to go through that.
As for traditions. I think the main things with us are 1)picking what's REALLY important and letting the rest go, and 2) being sensitive to each others ideas when it comes to holidays. Both of us have compromised more than a couple of times. (happily)
It doesn't matter what the make-up is of your in-laws family, it's a huge adjustment no matter what! :)
Wow! Did people really get offended by your post? I thought you were just being honest about marrying into a family who is different than yours and trying to move forward with your own, new family traditions. I didn't see anything hurtful about it. I am sorry that people hurt your feelings. I think you are great (and do not look like a rhino)!
I always have enjoyed your blogging. You have such a remarkable way of telling it how you see it. :) With a bit of humor spinkled in there.
I did read your blog before it was retracted, but did not comment on it since I am no way an expert on the topic. I have had 'traditions' which lasted until the next year when we did not repeat them.
I do agree with your friend who said something like -combine the best traditions and eliminate the ones you don't enjoy doing or the ones which aren't feasible. And start a few of your own.
I grew up in a family which every Christmas eve we opened one gift. It was always a new pair of pajamas. It was an exciting feeling to go to bed in new pj's dreaming of the magic of the next day. I loved that tradition and tried to continue it with my children. But it quickly got to a point that not all my kids needed new pjs at the same time and there wasn't money to splurge that way. So we altered the tradition to opening a gift of our choice. This last year we decided not to continue that tradition since we really didn't have that many gifts under the tree and we were all willing to save all the excitement for Christmas day. In short- allow traditions to change.
As an adult I still cherish the memories of sleeping in new pjs on Christmas eve. My children will have different memories, but hopefully just as cherished.
Love you Jen! You are amazingly wonderful!
Dang, now I wish I had gotten online and read that last post! I'm said I missed it! ;) I think what you are dealing with in blending two sets of family traditions is what every married person has to deal with whether they will admit it or not--maybe that was why you received strong feedback?
I was really surprised by this post, as I didn't find the other one offensive in any way. I am having a hard time understanding why anyone would have. Obviously, they aren't anyone who knows you or they would have known what your true intentions were. I love you, Jen, and am sad that you feel like you have to defend yourself on your own blog -- and for something so misunderstood.
I'm also sorry you had a such a bad experience with your last posting. You are awesome! And I know you and Rob will figure out your own traditions that will work for you. Kids does make it more fun when doing traditions, but don't wait until then. :)
Love ya!
I can't believe that anyone would have anything negative to say about your last post, I read it and didn't find anything offensive about it. :( I love reading your blog and look forward to every new post!
As for help on traditions, I think Karen put it best. Let them change to fit your family's needs and if there is somethings from both sides that you don't like, then omit them.
Jim and I have been married for nearly 4 years and we still haven't found a common ground on some traditions. It's something that will come eventually. :)
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