Trudy Churness

I was getting dressed this morning and my options were not so great. See, I just cleaned out my closet recently and gave away a lot of my warmer weather clothes. I've been trying to find some cute stuff, but since 2003, when this well-meaning woman at a clothing store told me I had "bat wings" for arms, I haven't been able to bring myself to wear a sleeve shorter than 3/4. That means I'm up the proverbial summer clothing creek without a 3/4 sleeve paddle. No grood. I finally settled on a nice blouse that I recently bought online. I believe it looked better in the picture, but all-in-all, it looks pretty good. It's got a bold print on it, which is kind of new for me. Bold color, yes! Bold patterns, still trying to feel them out. Anyway, I got all dressed and went into the bathroom to check my look in the mirror. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh, Trudy Churness!

Let me explain. Trudy Churness was the wife of the judge my mom worked with when I was growing up. The closest thing to Trudy Churness is the Mike Meyer's Coffee Talk character on SNL, except not quite close enough.

You see, Trudy Churness wore more make-up, had bigger hair, bigger shoulder pads, longer nails, more colorful glasses (think Sally Jessie Raphael), more jewelry, and more Bedazzlement on her outfits. She always looked like she was going on a cruise or spending the evening at a casino. She always looked like that. Even her dressed-down look contained at least 50% Bedazzlement.

And when I looked in the mirror, I saw a truly Trudy Churness worthy ensemble looking back at me. Starting from the head, I had curled my hair and poofed it up a little just for a change. It actually looked really cute, but it was too much with the bold print. I was wearing my red glasses because I was about to take a medication which had a label on it reading: WARNING - URINE AND OTHER BODY FLUIDS WILL TURN ORANGE/RED. WILL STAIN ALL FABRICS AND SURFACES. DO NOT WEAR SOFT CONTACT LENSES WHILE TAKING THIS MEDICINE, AS THEY WILL BE PERMANENTLY STAINED ORANGE. So, I decided I would rather writhe in pain from a bladder infection than stain my contact lenses orange. I ditched the glasses and put the contacts in. Oh yeah, there was also a little warning that IF YOU EVER PLAN ON BECOMING PREGNANT, PLEASE DISCUSS THE RISKS OF TAKING THIS MEDICATION WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR PHARMACIST. THE FDA DOES NOT KNOW THE EFFECTS OF THIS MEDICATION ON FETUSES. But honestly, the unknown effects on my yet-to-be-conceived fetus were the least of my concerns. I just couldn't wear the glasses!

Going on, my bold-printed tunic just screamed "Trudy Churness!" Taking the glasses off and brushing out the curls helped, but this outfit was just doomed from the start. I changed from slacks and heels to a more casual goucho pant and sandals, but this entire day I just keep thinking to myself "how did this outfit go so wrong?" When I was pulling everything out of the closet I thought it was going to be a hot outfit, but it took a wrong turn. Perhaps I should just admit and embrace that there's a little bit of Trudy in me and just go with the flow. I mean, even though we liked to make fun of her and her outlandish style, she thought she was the hottest thing since sliced bread. And people did what she wanted them to do. She wasn't manipulative or anything, but maybe there was just something about her big, Bedazzled glasses that made people want to bend over backwards. She was also quite rich, but I'd like to think it was her style.